i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
