y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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