I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
