i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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