Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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