the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I had to cum in my sink.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
