So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
