omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
