You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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