Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
