She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Pants are for mortals
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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