ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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