Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
