He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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