a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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