So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
my shit smells like andre
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I party with great urgency now.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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