I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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