No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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