if only i could text you this smell
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
