Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
