4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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