Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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