i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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