So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
