Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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