Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
