I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
