Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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