census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
