I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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