either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
