I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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