After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
