I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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