i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
