Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
