OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
