I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
