dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
