Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
