According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
