Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
