i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What a dumb baby whore.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
