Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
