i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
