i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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