I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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