Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
