3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
