Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
