I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
