i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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